WhyWeWork BrianVee
WhyWeWork BrianVee

Episode 98 · 1 year ago

#98 Riana Milne - Life, Love, & Trauma Recovery Coach - BrianVee WhyWeWork

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Riana Milne is a Life, Love, and Trauma Recovery Coach and best selling author of over seven books, intimate coaching sessions, masterclasses, self-study courses, and evergreen programs. Riana's mission is to help people diagnose childhood and love traumas and to live a fulfilling and joyful life despite past difficulties. Also, Riana helps single people and couples with dating and relationship success. Furthermore, Riana teaches females how to have a mindset for success. With Riana's education and experience, she is more than qualified, as well as having a heart of compassion, to help people succeed in life and in their relationships.

Contact Info

Riana’s Profile
linkedin.com/in/rianamilne

Websites
RianaMilne.com (Company Website)
LessonsinLifeandLove.com (RSS Feed)

Facebook
facebook.com/CoachRianaMilne (Company Website)

Phone
201-281-7887 (Mobile)

Email
rianamilne@gmail.com

Twitter
RianaMilne

IM
CoachRianaMine (Skype)

About
"EDUCATION
* Certified Singles & Couples Relationship Coach with The
Relationship Coaching Institute,
FL - LMHC/Prov; CAP - Cert. Addictions Counselor
CCTP - Certified Clinical Trauma Professional
* NJ Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)
* Licensed & Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor (LCADC)
* Student Assistance Counselor/Substance Awareness
Coordinator for schools Grades K-12 (SAC),
* Cert. Compulsive Gambling Counselor (CCGC),
* Teacher of Psychology – Certificate of Eligibility for NJ,
* MA in Applied Clinical Psychology-92 Master’s Credits for
Licensure- Rowan Univ, NJ. GPA 3.98,
* Owner, Program Director, Instructor and Agent for Riana
Model & Talent School/Agency, Erie, PA; a State
licensed, 3-time Internl Award winning school for
Educational Excellence & Talent School /Year.,
* 1979-1975 BA in Speech Communications, Broadcast & Business Marketing Major; minors in Public Relations &
Dramatic Arts - Penn State University, State College, PA.-
Major GPA 3.5.
* Radio & TV Broadcast Licensed Talent.

Specialties
Public Speaker; Life, Motivational & Relationship Coach, Marketing & PR Pro, Teacher, Author of Book Watch Me! Motivational Self-Help book, Radio Broadcast license & Air Personality, TV Talent, writer for various magazines/newspaper Advice Columnists, prior Talent Manager, holistic health/fitness. Runner-up: Miss & Mrs. America Contests. I'm a high-energy, motivated, Spiritual people person.Therapist seen on NBC TV News report: “Helping our Children & Teens through the Tragedy of 911.”" (LinkedIn, 2021)

Welcome to why we work with your host, Brian V. As he speaks to people like you from all over the world as we together dive deeper into our motivations, struggles, joys, seemingly missteps, hopes, warnings and advice which would be an encouragement to us all to get up. Get going on, keep on working. Working is tough, but working is good. Now here is your host to why we work. Brian V. I'm Brian V, and this is why we work today. I have the great pleasure of speaking with Rihanna. Millman. Rihanna is a life love and trauma recovery coach. She is also a non author of three books and I want to find out from Rihanna today. What is trauma? What kind of trauma to people face? And how does trauma affect our work? Join me today in my conversation with Rihanna. Millman. I'm Brian V. And this is why we work today. Have the great pleasure Speaking with Rihanna. Milne. Good day, young lady. Hi. How are you? Way over across the other side of the world. Yes, I'm jealous, though. You're in Florida and anyone would like a day 83 sunny. It's kind of hard to take Thank you for middle of January. I know it. Z here is not so bad. We had a cold streak, but now it's it's getting up there and I'm But yesterday it rain, so even when it was warms rainy. So I use that as an excuse to stay in the house, which I probably could have just put my gum gum boots on, as they say, Bianna e never say come boots. When I talk about will you do me a favor and tell me, what industry are you in as this is why we work and giving people idea of what people do, getting to the core of what people do but also talking about what you do. What industry are you in? Can you give us a little bit about yourself? Yes, and the big general umbrella umbrella would be personal transformation in mental health because I'm a licensed mental health counselor, a licensed certified alcohol and drug addictions counselor, uh Student Assistance Council, which works with students and schools all the way from kindergarten through college. But more often I am acting as the global certified life, love, trauma, recovery and mindset coach as well as business coach. So I do a lot of personal transformation. I am not doing the therapy model. After about 17 years of doing that, I wanted to go full coaching and specialize on trauma, recovery and personal transformation to create that life that you really desire and toe have the love that you deserve. Rihanna, How did this all begin for you? What would have been your very first job even as a teenager that got you out of the house to make a dollar? Well, my first job was a teen was really cool. Other than the regular baby sitting in dog sitting. Okay, but, uh oh, those count. Well, you know, I was working since I was young. Yes, I was working to earn money to buy my own car. When? 16. How old were you when you started to save? All right away? 12 for 12 years old. Starting. Well, that's good, right? Because people some people throw some jobs off to the side. But I'm like, if any kid is listening, or any parent or someone who wants to be a parent someday to tell their kids about when they can or when they can start thinking about making money and looking at the paths of people and how they've come up through the ranks of work. I think all of it is important, and some people like Oh, yeah, I I used thio rake leaves or mow lawns or shovel driveways, But that's important. Well, it is really important. I had my daughter's working at 12 as well. I had a model in talent, school and agency at that time. So one daughter helped me at the school and their father had a Greek restaurant. So the other one worked in the Greek restaurant, being toast girl at first and then taking cash and then waitressing. So she learned toe all the management aspect of a restaurant on Alexey, learned all the managing and ins and outs of the model and talent business, became a singer on a three time multi platinum degree, three albums. She sings that her multi platinum level and she was, ah, top model for bridal and swimsuit and a host on H G. T. V. So she kind of just learned that business by hanging around it and really, really excelled in. It lets you gotta started working early. That's right. I do believe in getting your kids started working early. Very important. So as you for being a child or a teenager. What were the things that you were doing? T save well, at 14, Actually, I applied for a job that you...

...had to be 16 years old, but I got chosen as a top promotional model for the Number one radio station in Philadelphia, which was called W F I. L Radio and the team of models were called Boss Chicks. Now we're talking the seventies, but it was the coolest job 18 nowadays. I don't think it was the coolest job I made $25 an hour back then, and I worked with celebrities like when John Lennon came to town. One of my favorite jobs was dancing the entire encore with Freddie Mercury of Queen the night of the opera concert in the Tavern Theater of Philadelphia. Because we sponsored the concert, he was actually in a pair of W F I L hot pants, that famous picture of him in red and white striped shorts. That was our uniform. So, yeah, I mean, that was a great job. I had to pick up Alice Cooper from the airport and take him to his hotel and then later to the concert. So it was a very cool job, and I got to meet a lot of celebrities and I really started saving money then and, uh, I did get hired a 14, and they only chose 10 girls out of 350 who applied because it was the job to have. And I didn't lie when I after I got chose and I said, Look, I have to tell you the truth. I'm not 16. It's like, Don't tell anybody you're like our favorite, so just get to the job on time As soon as you can. You get that license for your car so you could drive yourself and we'll keep you. You know fairly that you come into the station first versus driving directly to the job. So they worked around it. Did you buy your first car? Yes, I did. What did you buy? It was an orange Vegas station wagon like a little mini station wagon. It was bright orange, but it was my grandmother's car on. I bought it for $1000 so back then, I guess that was a lot of money. But I had it. She gave you a deal. So as I needed with wheels, give me wheels so I could go to my favorite job was so happy to be working. You had a very interesting childhood. So as you got into high school, what were you still staying in this with the radio and the modeling? Yes, I I worked in the modeling industry. I was also a model for department stores, but I did a lot of promotional work. Peter Paul Candies was one of my big accounts. I was a Peter. All girls. So is on billboards and magazines and newspaper with their product. Had a custom Camaro with Peter Paul chocolates all over it and custom paint. So, yes, I did. That job even came home from Penn State on weekends because it was like a $400 weekend for me if I came home and work to gig, you know, or a party where they wanted their top people there, and it was great because it taught me communication skills. I'm working with corporate CEOs and vice President. I mean, very important people that we're spending a lot of money. Disney was one of our big account, so they had a whole Disney Halloween party, and, you know, that was a big account. So I would come in for those three day weekends to work a party, and I'd make $400. That was a lot of money for being a, then looking back and knowing that you were in the industry, the entertainment industry as you were. Were you able to keep your feet on the ground? So thinking of parents maybe wanting to put their kids in the industry or they have a child who has their own desire to get into the industry? How how was it for you in that period of time of right up until high school, were you able just toe walk down the hallways and say, I need to study or you like, You know, I was always about get me out of high school and get me into the real world like I wanted to work. I wanted to be out of high school. I wanted to be out of college. I graduated college early. I went for broadcast communications. So in my mind. I was going back to the radio station. They wanted me to be head of promotions. Then I met my husband and ended up moving teary p A e did for broadcast communications. Eso I didn't take that dream job. I was really working towards, um, but kept in touch with the station through the years and right out of college, I had a radio show and I ended up working for CBS Station is Continuity and advertising director. So I was writing all the local ads and designing ads for the book TV Guide. Eso I had that job for a while, so I did go right into the industry. And certainly that job credit was big for May, you know, working for a top radio station and celebrities and so forth. And I loved it so much it I just keep continuing my passion work. Then a 26 I opened up a model and talent agency in school myself, I actually had to appear before the Board of Education in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. It was funny, they said, Miss known where's your team? And that...

...there was I thought there'd be like four people there to hear my presentation. There was, like 40 people in a you and I just walking myself a 26 years old. They were expecting my attorney in my account. And I'm like, I'm here to answer all your questions. So I mean, I did get passed. I became a school at 26 years old and within six months at school one, the International Modeling talent of the Year award. So I had that business for 10 years. So my modeling that I started a 12 and working with the industry that really built my confidence. So work builds confidence in kids. You definitely want them to learn those skills, to be able to communicate with other adults outside of their family, to have responsibility, to learn the value of money instead of just giving them allowance. Let them learn the value of money, what they had toe work for. To get the value of savings and have them have a goal which is a great one for a teen is their car. And to go from there. So you said you did that till 36. So now that you're 37 what are you doing now? I always wanted to be a counselor was funny. As a teenager, I read Vogue magazine, Teen magazine and psychology today, so I always wanted to be a counselor. But, you know, my path took me that way. Andi, I married the college. Sweetheart is only 21. I had two daughters, a 24 25. We divorced the 26 when I was 26 because there was some fraud that he did to my family. And I said, I'm better off being on my own and making my way and running this business without any headaches or interruptions. So I made it out on my own. Um, I ended up also needing to pay child support. But long story short, I was very successful in the industry. You got the short end of the stick, their toe have to pay child support, right? And pay my mother back $200,000 that he and his father fraud it from my family. Yeah, so I was better off being on my own, and I knew there was a long road ahead. Most of my time, I had five jobs going and I became spiritually, and it started following the Masters in my late teens like Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, the Dalai Lama, Marianne Williamson in the course of miracles. So I was studying these masters to keep my energy up and what I call the mindset for success intact. So there was no time for victim mentality. I had to work to support myself. My daughter's pay back, my mom. And, you know, work was joy for May, you know? So I love being around talented people I had from ages 5 to 75 my talent agency and the seniors all worked. They had a ton of jobs. I was working with photographers and ad agencies and radio station, so I became quite successful out on my own. That was easy. And I decided one day, you know, when my kids were settled, I would go back for my masters in psychology. Eso I did. At 37 I went for a triple Masters and apply clinical counseling, psychology and graduated summa cum laude. The four point out and opened up my own practice called Therapy by the Sea, as if what you were doing was not enough. Well, the agency I sold off right the talent school and agency. I sold off, and then I went back into school. So you've been in this sort of line of work ever since. So what is it that you do for people now? And how did you discover your niche? Okay, well, I started off with my first, uh oh, solo practice, and it was called Inter Vision Counseling, which meant go inside and see the vision of your life and then create it. But people didn't really get that title, so But I had a supervisor, and that was my first private practice. And then I changed it into therapy by the C. I figured people got that, um, but also, while I was building my practice, I took on other jobs. Like I said, I had five jobs, usually at the same time. So I was a writer. I've written seven books, I with the first one being the model in talent, um, school book that the main book, which was about 250 pages, illustrated so that when I wrote by 26 years old. So I wrote seven books won one to number one bestseller that I marketed for the public, which is love beyond your dreams. Break free of toxic relationships. Toe have the love you deserve. That's 400 pages. And that goes along with the one about the mindset for success, which has lived beyond your dreams, from fear and doubt to personal power, purpose and success.

And that was the mindset. I was teaching my models and actors to excel and achieve and go out beyond the small town of your oppa to be successful models, singers, actors, dancers. So not only did my daughter do that, but many of my talent people did. And when we compete in L. A in the winter in New York City in July and they all got picked up with big city offers. So this mindset for successful was teaching in my twenties. And they all said, You know, Rihanna, you've got to write a book on this. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will when I have time, you know? So I finally wrote that in 2000 and eight and then the Love book afterwards. But that's when also, in those years after 40 I was working in the school system, working with kids of trauma, and then I got a job from a hospital system working in the adolescent and child unit for mental health. So I saying kids that were suicidal or cutters, runaways, kids from foster care, just kids that were upset or from traumatic situations and in school. I also not sorry. Rihanna. What? What turned you in that direction? Because on one hand you're with people in the entertainment industry that although you can see the other side on the other side of the camera of people, but they're living life very well. The lights, the flashes, all of those sorts of things. But then you're moving into Tron, a trauma specifically for Children, which seems to be not not specifically for Children. I always wanted to be a counselor, was part of my dream in my journey. I had done the talent agency for 10 years. Um, I liked it. I loved it. But I also want to do the counseling piece, and I found, even as a school director, I was helping those who are LGBT Q coming out to their parents. So it's almost serving like a counselor using my mindset system, and I'm like, I got to go get license for this. You know, I was coaching them and a lot of things to help them succeed right, which is personal transformation. I would take a kid that wanted to be a model with an eating disorder and get her self esteem up and get her into health and realize that, you know, this is not the way to be a model. That's the way to look strung out, not healthy with an eating disorder. So I was working with mental health to help people have reach their dreams and have the life they desire. They're all interrelated. So then I had to when my girls were old enough. Find the time to go back to school to get the license Shire's. And because in psychology it's a three part track, 36 credits, you could get a master's in psychology, but not a very good job. At 60 credits, which is Part two, you have the ability to take the test to become licensed at 92 credits. Now this is in New Jersey. It might be different in different states, but 92 credits you can open up your own practice, so I kept taking courses and one of them with the sack counselor, student assistance counselor, using psychology with kids of trauma in the schools. Another one was drug and alcohol addictions. I'm like, Yeah, I get that license to. So I was just getting all these licenses as I was becoming educated, which sent me to work with adolescents in a drug and alcohol rehab center as a counselor. And then also, I worked at another center, which was with women from the prison system, which I called Drug Court instead of staying in prison. If they were there due to addiction, they got out, got to go to rehab center for anyway, from 30 days to six months. So I was there, Crisis counselor. So when I look back, I was working with all these people from traumatic situations. Not that I picked it right. And then I had not only that first marriage was traumatic for me, which we call love trauma. But I had a second marriage, and it seemed like the ideal partner. We were introduced by his school superintendent, who was going to be in the wedding. This was a school principal who had a secret life, and he got caught with porn on his computer instantly fired big community scandal, and I had to go into and all that marriage and I decided to stand up for myself, is my own attorney. And then right after that, since none of my psychotherapist friends could help, may understand, what did he have? Why did he lose risk? Everything to lose everything I needed to figure out those answers. So that's what set me on the journey to the research that uncovered what unhealed childhood trauma does you does to in life, love and business. And and that's where that's brings you to today and well, for several years ago. Yeah, I've decided to close my local del Rey practice, and I went global in 2000 and 17 to teach about childhood trauma was so important.

Nobody even knew what it waas was there like No, I don't have childhood trauma a few bumps in the road, but the research shows 90% of people have at least 123 of the top 10 traumas. So I created the childhood trauma checklists, which is one of the assessments I use and many others air now using it around the globe and it helps easily identify for people if they had trauma. And then we we take the steps to heal that, and then do the goal setting of what they want for the life that they want to create for themselves and for the type of love relationship that they deserve. How does this trauma show up in life? So people are able to start to recognize it rather than just looking, because maybe some people look back on their childhood and can't see the trauma. But if they can see some of the symptoms now, then that might be a trigger to bring them back. Yes, yes, there's a lot of different ways There's many, many combinations that show up, but everyone that comes to me has ongoing anxiety, bouts of depression, fear based negative thoughts. Um, they may take a chance to go into business, and then they stop. Or they sabotage themselves because they're afraid. Or they won't make the investment in the coach that they need because they have lack mentality. Uh, in love. It's a whole different set of things in work. That could be it could be that bully boss that bullies out all the employees. It could be someone who's cutthroat and super competitive because he has to win all the time. Um, personality traits like in our top political official who recently needed to retire. That is unheated childhood trauma. All those signs and symptoms of needing to be adored. Uh, no consequences to behavior can apologize. It comes out in different ways and in different levels of severity. Depending on which of the top 10 traumas that you have and the level of severity that you had received them as a child, could you go through some that that list the top 10 that you have? Yeah, that's an important list. I listeners knowing myself. I'm probably gonna check off a lot of them. Yeah, write them down. That's what is going to say for the listeners. Write them down, see what you have. And then I'll tell you how correlations happened afterwards. Again, as you're listening to this list, all all the listeners out there, I don't want you to feel any guilt or shame, because remember, you are innocents, child in this household, and things just happened around you or to you that you could not control. You were too young. And this, at this point is not about blaming your mom and dad because they did the best that they knew how. Um, it is shown in a really good point. There was a really good points you're making because I think first knee jerk reaction would be all. Look what I did or look what they did and start laying blame rather than trying to find that healing. That's right. We're trying to look at the facts behind this, And if you see that you were a child of trauma, so were your parents. And probably so where their parents. Because the research shows that goes through at least three generations, if not more, it's that one person that steps up to heal it and know how to model emotionally healthy behavior as well as be that authentically that they stopped the traumatic patterns being passed down from family to family. Okay, so the first one is if your parents had any addictions. So drugs, alcohol, sex, meaning you knew your parent was cheating or had an affair. Porn, gambling, hoarding, spending, eating, gaming, TV, watching workaholism and even social media addiction. So those addictions in your parents second is verbal eso. If you saw any verbal fighting between Mom and Dad, if there was yelling and screaming at you, if they told you anything that put you down or made you feel not good enough, like go change that outfit when you look fat in that any things like that which we call verbal slurs not getting compliments as a child or not hearing the words I love you verbal is a big one. The people identify their their worth and self esteem around. What messages did you receive? Third is emotional abuse or neglect. So as we go through this list, is this mostly leaning towards the parents specifically, or is just the first few? No, no, it could have occurred inside or outside of the home. Eso your parents may not have yelled at you at all, but you might have had a teacher that bullied you called you stupid. You're stupid. Why don't you know that...

...answer, you know, and made you feel really embarrassed in the classroom. So it's just why you're young inside or outside of the home. It could have been a coach that put you down and said, You're no good. You know, what's the matter with you? You know, those kind of messages, remember? Three was emotional support, you say emotional abuse and neglect. Okay, Number four is any kind of physical abuse, beatings being beat up in or outside of the home on the schoolyard? Whatever. Um, rape or molest molestation or part of that one. Number four. Number five is abandonment. And there's two types fault and no fault abandonment. So no fault abandonment would be if a parent happened to die early if they have to leave to serve your country and go off to war or if they have to travel a lot for work. And this is how they supported the family. But they weren't home a lot. Those were all no fault situations. Would divorce be one in that, too? Now, that's a fault. Okay, so I fault abandonment would be, um if you were never in that child's life, if you were with that parent, you divorce, that's not the fault. Peace. The peace then is you barely see the child after the divorce, or you say you will, and you don't show up, right? So you're not as active in that child's life. You chose not to be active and the the other part under fault. Abandonment is emotional abandonment where you're you might even be in that child's life pretty regularly, but you just don't engage like, let's say there's a child visitation The fathers in front of the football games all day Saturday and Sunday, the kids in his room on his computer saying, Why do I have to be here? This sucks. I just wish shows at my mom's house because there's no engagement. So that's a fault. Abandonment. No emotional connection. They still under number five or those air? Yes, that's all under abandonment. Okay, Number six is being adopted part of foster care or needing to live in another person's home because your parents couldn't keep their home or they lost their home in a mortgage crises. Eso even going to live with grandma or your aunts or uncles? Those air all traumatic situations. Number seven is the one that most people identify with that's called personal trauma. That could be any time you were bullied. You might have been an overweight child, skinny and gawky child and called a nerd. Um, you might have a medical issue like asthma and couldn't be part of the popular football team or whatever. So you felt different. You could have been identified in the schools is a d h d. So you felt different. Um, you could have been a L G B T Q student and trying to come out and be yourself, and you felt ridiculed or racially and culturally, you could have been different. The main school population could have been on Caucasian, and you might have been the only African American students. So you felt different are part of the minority, so you can see how many cases this relates to. And there's even mawr beyond those examples. But personal trauma where you don't fit in You didn't feel good enough. You don't feel worthy. That's a big one. Okay, Trauma number eight is around siblings, so your sibling could have bullied you. They could have been born with a medical issue that commanded Mawr moms and dads time or most often, you perceive them to be the Golden child, the favored one. So maybe they were the star athlete or smarter than you, more handsome or beautiful. Whatever you just felt they were favored trauma. Number nine has two parts, and these parts trauma number nine is affecting everyone on our globe. Today, on part one is called community trauma. So this is when anything happens to the community at large. So the cove it pandemic is happening toe all of us. This is a community trauma. And look how it's affecting our young people. They can't go to school. They can't play with their friends. They're afraid Mom and Dad, if they goto work, might die. I mean, it's very traumatic and scary for our young people. Other community traumas are mass shootings, school shootings and massive acts by mother nature. Floods, fires, hurricanes, mudslides, volcanoes, anything that affects the community at large, and they're getting more and more prevalent. When I was young, girl, community trauma was not one of the top 10. Okay. The other part of Trauma nine is family trauma, so they often go hand in hand. If Mom or Dad lost their jobs from Cove it now the family suffering, there might be a lot of lack messages. We don't have money to pay the bills.

They might be in food lines. I might be fighting a lot at home because the money is so tight, um, so they often go hand in hand. Other family trauma might be growing up in a dangerous neighborhood. You could have been part of a military family where you have to move a lot here in the U. S. A. Our military families have to move every 2 to 4 years. That's is placing the student in a different school each time. Um, it could be a parent that's incarcerated, so there's a lot around that family trauma as well. Trauma number 10 is mental health issues and mom or Dad, the baby boomers of what? John, part of that generation we didn't see parents go to counseling, so we kind of have to guess. But the two most difficulty ones for Children to deal with is borderline personality and bipolar. So bipolar means manic depressive depression can show up as anger fatigue or checking out emotionally. And the manic phase could be like a gambling spree of spending spree and eating binge. Just doing something in a compulsive way. Okay, uh, borderline personality. That's the difficulty. Moody parents. You never know what you're going to get because when they're good. They're great. But when they're bad, they're really hard and very hard to deal with. These people will explode and get angry at the little ist thing that nobody else will get mad at. So this child's often walking on eggshells trying to please this difficulty parents and very difficulty for kids to grow up with that. This is normally that client that I see that says I can't get rid of my anxiety. It's there all the time. And that's because trauma stay stored in the brain and the body cells. And I need 4 to 6 months of intensive work with them to get it out of the unconscious. Hell. It create full conscious awareness and create that life that they really desire. Now Rihanna, everyone has one checklist, One check off the list. Right. Most people have 123 123 So where you getting at? Severe Or maybe even the average to the majority. Okay, well, they say 90% of people have at least 123 Right? So everybody's got a little something somewhere on. Like I said, you hear a lot. You know, when kids say Yeah, I was bullied or I felt different or I was a school nerd. You know, they could remember those times. Or they could remember some of those verbal messages. So two and seven are very common. Um, what was the question you asked me? Well, just yeah, where People falling on the scale like I look OK, I look at this and I wish it was a math test back in school because I would have done very well. Okay, well, here's the thing. If you get a lot of traumas like 9 to 10 and the severity levels are nine and 10, the worst on the scale is what we call the psychopath who is associate the part that maybe wasn't clear to me that might be cleared. Other people there's also having the check. And then there's a severity level to severity level of 1 to 10. Yes, because there could be someone who says, Wow, I remember having to bad spankings, you know, from my dad growing up, and it's like, Well, what would you rate that? How severe was that for you? It's like, Well, it only happened twice, so maybe a three or four that's different from the young man coming home from school every day to the raging alcoholic father that would get beaten every day, cursed at and yelled at every day. That's the severity level of it to end. And usually when your parents or that difficulty you have 9 to 10 of the traumas. So, like I said, the psychopath is sociopathic and narcissistic, and they kill. They kill others. That's the worst on the scales. Second, one down on the scale would be a sociopath. They use people for pleasure or profit or status in lifestyle is the definition of sociopath. I don't think that's the definition of sociopath using others for pleasure, profit, lifestyle or status. Without remorse, you'll never hear them apologize. They're excellent manipulators. Verbally, they're pros. I mean, on example of the sociopath and psychopath, this Hitler talking all those people into following their ways. It was a charming speaker, and then he was also killing so many people without remorse. So, you know, you can look...

...through some of these people in life, but you look at their childhood traumas and they're usually all very severe. Um, okay, the one under that That's, uh, the next in severity level lower would be the narcissist, but there's a wide range of narcissist. There's a healthy narcissist, and they don't hurt anybody. But they may be a little self absorbed, whether they're starting a new career or trying to get a career off the ground on there really into themselves at that point in time. But they do try to be emotionally there for their family or their partner, and they're not really out to cause ill will towards others. The malignant narcissist does there along that line of sociopathic, just like our political leader that just stepped down. You know, he was using others to fight his battles, never apologized, doesn't want to follow the rules. Um, you know, there's all these different definitions of what the Narcissus is, but that is more the malignant narcissist. And as that gets worse, it enters into sociopathy. So wherever people find themselves on the scale, what can they do about having checked a box or finding these characteristics within themselves? Right. Well, the good news is, is this could be healed and fixed if you're usually like traumas. Eight or lower. Okay. I don't have never worked with a psychopath. I've had a few people that recognize sociopathy within themselves, and they hated that. It's like I don't wanna be this person, one of my current clients who came to me with a marital issue blaming her when he walked in the doors on her. Within the second class with me goes, Oh, my God, on the narcissist it's May I need to fix this So that was great. You know, you can't change what you don't understand or acknowledge. So he saw that he needed the help and we actually broke it all down. Where did those trades come from? Where had a very critical demanding mother? Okay, men that have a hard time with their moms, which we can call a mother hater usually a very difficulty in demanding and when perfectionism from their wives. And that's what he was doing. Um, and, uh, it's it's fascinating. I mean, the studies beyond this. But, um, you know, he had these critical messages. He was never good enough. He's not doing a good job. He never got complimented. He did not hear the words I love you. So he was a very hard worker which made him successful and from that we got healthy ego gratification. That's why a lot of my people are successful in business but struggle in love because they work out that peace somehow usually in the schools that might have a couple of good teachers who are mentors, and they got a and accolades or rewards for being a good student. So they got that ego gratification at school and said, Wow, this feels good to excel And then they become good in business. But that love peace was never healed for them to make sense. Yeah, perfectly. So when you're going through this with people, what is some satisfaction or even some difficulties that you find? I could only imagine if if you're talking with people with so many traumas, it weighs a toll on you, although it could be encouraging. That's why you continue your education and trying to better yourself to help them. But what is some satisfaction and some difficulty in your line of work? Uh, the satisfaction is amazing at seeing these people, which I call I call get Over the Rainbow. They're starting at the fact that they don't know what they don't know, and I was in that position to. I didn't know why I was attracting toxic people into my life because I was like, I'm a good mom, my great lady. I'm spiritually. I work hard. I have successful businesses. Why am I getting toxic partners? I didn't get it, so that's a part of not knowing what you don't know. And then as you're learning this, I have 150 page workbook and all this research that I teach as a coach. So they're they're going up the rainbow when they're learning, but they'll slip and then the learn more. But they'll slip, and people say, Well, why the slippage? It's because the unconscious is so strong. We were fighting a lot of normalized behaviors to change them completely within you. But by the time you get to the other side and get all this understanding and the healing around the childhood traumas first and then you get the second part of the program, which is learning how to be an emotionally healthy, evolved and conscious partner and evolved, means being your highest in your best self. So when you get that...

...and then you bring that into the dating or marriage arena because I worked with both singles and couples on dure, both that person for your partner. Or that's what you're presenting with when you're dating. Then you have successful love relationships as well. And that's when you hit the pot of gold. Your life is drama free, debt free. No legal issues, great relationships with you're kids. Fun, passionate, loving relationships with your partner. You've created the career that you love or you're in and working for for someone and you love your work. You find purpose and value in that you have great self love. So it's, Ah, whole different way of being. And I love seeing my people get to that side that it's so satisfying for May. What about the difficulties? The difficulty part is usually when they come to me, they're very much in high trauma. So they might have just uncovered that their husband cheated again for the third time, or E. I had a woman come to me. My Children hate me. They yell at me. They curse it May you know, I'm thinking, Why'd she wait so long? You know, but there's a lot of trauma in that household before the divorce, and that's how the father treated her. So that's what the kids were treating her. So there's a lot of high anxiety. And sometimes when I get off that our even though a peaceful person and I know in and vocal communication if I talk calmer and slower, I get thio. Calm them down, so I get to calm them down in the hour. But I usually leave that our feeling pretty exhausted. Yeah, drained. But it's OK because it's on Lee last like a week or two before they're already starting to turn the corner because they are already right away getting techniques, strategies. I put them on vitamin therapy, meditation, reading, positive books. We start interpretative. The trauma wide occurred, doing some spiritually forgiveness. Re parenting new messages. So there's a lot to teach, but I have this down to a science. I've been doing it a long time. So other than that, I love what I dio. The marketing could be hard. The marketing is a grind. You know the coaching is great. You mentioned forgiveness. How big is forgiveness in your lessons for people in your advice for people in your suggestions? Yeah, Forgiveness is one of the highest spiritually things you can dio. And it is imperative because it's not really You're saying that the actions they did against you was OK, right? It wasn't okay that my husband ripped off my family 200 grand. That was not okay, but I had to have enough spiritually forgiveness toe. Let the anger go so I could focus on the life that I wanted to create for myself and my kids. That's what became important. There's no time to be the victim to feel sorry for myself, so that pieces like I had to say it had to be locked behind the door, and I just need to move forward. And if I'm living in a positive mindset this day, then that creates a good day for me tomorrow and the next day, which is creating the future I want. And I always said, your success is your best revenge. So you don't dwell on the act. You can't change that sociopath who ripped you off, but what you can do is change your mindset around it, deal with it, take responsibility and keep moving forward in your line of work, especially nowadays, what is a skill that you had to develop or home so that you're better able to service your customers and clients. One that comes to me straight of mind is I'm from Philly, right? So I'm a Philly girl. We talked really fast with high energy and down in Florida, they talk really slow. So initially that came off sounding aggressive to people s Oh, I had a consciously be aware of what we call a vocal habit to slow down. Um, my pace when I was talking with people so it didn't sound so aggressive. Um, that's just one thing I can think of. Also work, balance, work, life, balance. Um, going from a solo practice in Delray Beach, Florida to global. That was a lot of work. I was ready for it. In my mind, I didn't mind sitting in this chair 14, 16, sometimes 18 hour days as I was building my online academy, creating courses, writing my books, writing my notebooks. But, you know, I did get a test of, ah, high cholesterol reading. I'm like, Okay, that's my sign. Timeto work. I couldn't work out in the gyms. I didn't want to go to the gyms with Cove in So instead, I was catching up on marketing work that I wanted to get done, so I'd let go that exercise...

...piece of balance in my life, which I always had had. But that past year I had to bring it into my life for 2021 again, and I'm taking more time off. But a lot of the things I wanted to accomplish and dio like I have a podcast and I have 100 stick shows in my podcast. So you know the podcast. You've got to write it created, do it, edit it, post it. You know, it's a lot of hours, and my goal was to reach 100. So I reached 106 and said, I'm taking a break. Congratulations and thank you and thinking of the work, the hard work that goes into this and you when you were baby sitting or you got into modeling at a young age and also switching your career at least once. Do you have a tip for people who are just getting in tow, work one way or the other? Yeah, you want to choose your passion something that you love, because if you love it. You don't feel like you don't feel begrudge that you're working every day. You love toe work like I love my work. I always loved every job that I did. Don't be afraid to create your job, and every job I did was from scratch. I never got a loan from a bank toe. Open the talent school and agency toe open up my therapy practice. I just did it. And if I needed more money than I'd have job to or job three, you know, So I did other work to help bring that in to get the new business off the ground. Um, Segway ing from therapy into full time coaching. As I was writing the coaching materials 150 page workbook, I was still taking therapy clients. But starting Thio do the coaching and fine tune it each step of the way, right until I could say, I'm good now, I'm ready to just go coaching full time, and I stopped taking therapy people. So always follow your passion. Don't be afraid to change up. You don't wanna be job of the year. You have to put through honest effort. I always say God helps those who help themselves. So you have tow, have faith, it will work. But do the work on, you know, don't be lazy about a be dedicated. I mean, as a single woman, I'd say, Okay, I'm writing a book. I'm not gonna date anyone for six months. And I had to be okay with that because this goal of mine was something super important to me because I wanted to get the message out. And I said, This is the best selling book I know it is. This is cutting edge new information. And it was a number one bestseller on Amazon. And that was important goal to may more so than dating at that time. So pick the timeframe. That's right for you. Get into keen focus. I do meditate every day, which really does help me with my focus and my goals. And I do a goal setting program in module two of my program. So my people are able to set their goals and do the several steps to make each goal come together. It's interesting. I had a client today. She had a bonus session, so she just finished her program on. We looked at her wheel of life, which is module to looking where she is now. Like how satisfaction and work. Satisfaction in friendships in, um, money and saving goals, you know? So we had all these different things in her wheel of life, and they were all 5 to 15% and satisfaction. When she started today, she was like from 88 to 95% every slice of that wheel she had gone up all she does. This is amazing, she because I look back. It's like, How was this six months ago? So the change is amazing. And one, um, she totally changed her career. She was a struggling online coach. She liked it, but she hated all the work that was not producing any results. And I said, You're really stressing about money. So let's settle the money thing. Let's see what else you can dio. So she was also doing part time marketing, and she was writing like press releases. So I said, Let's put you on line and the job market and see what you can come up with in PR and marketing for corporations. She got a job for a top real estate developer. She loves it. She's making great money. She's doing the writing and the PR in the marketing that she loves. And she is paying off all her debts. Almost done. So like everything just started changing right. You just have to kind of look outside of the box and put all that together. Rihanna. I think when I'm listening to you, I have to say Congratulations, right, Like, came up through things in a hard way. Being a single mom. My mom was a single mom, and you mentioned five jobs. And I always say, My mom worked three jobs. So you're working five jobs. Eso It's pretty crazy. Congratulations. And I know it's not easy just knowing what my...

...mom had to go through. And you hear lots of stories of single moms. So thank you very much from all the Children who are raised by single moms out there. Thank you kindly. Let's give kudos to those single parents doing this job on their own. That's right, very difficult. And where do you place in? You have a pedigree? You know, you've gone through university and masters and lots of certificates and licenses. Um, how do you value education, whether formal or informal, for listeners and people who are getting in tow work. I highly value education. I mean, the more educated you are, the more confident you are. It does take a lot of confident to be known, you know, is an expert coach and get out there and talk to people all over the world about your topic. The studying never stops, and it's also good for your brain. You don't want to stop learning. You know, I'm always reading more spiritual books. I'm always on classes and summits and workshops because I just might learn one piece of information that could help one of my clients. I'm always reading new research, recent research that I could bring into my articles or into my workshops or that will help my own coaching clients. So it's really important to keep learning. Keep growing. I remember Tony Robbins has a saying. If you're not growing, you're dying, and if you picture of plant, you know little flower and it's growing and it's coming up through the dirt. It's growing and it's blossoming and it beautiful colors, right flowers and and then it stops. You stop getting water right. You stop water and you start Stop the growth, and then what happens, just dies. It just falls apart. So education is should be lifelong. Speaking of growing, where do you see your company going? Or what is your goal that you have for your company? Your overarching goal. Okay, well, my my goal for 2021 is really to get to meet new podcast and summit host. I think I've been on 22 interviews so far since January 1st, get the message out that I'm a real proponent for healing childhood trauma, and my mission is to help change the way the world loves. So the more people understand that this could be holding them back to true love without control, jealousy, co dependency, love addiction, people pleasing all the negativity that happens due to a knee healed childhood trauma. If I could get that out there, then our world could be a loving, more kinder place. So it's really my purpose and my passion. Um, so that's what I want to do. I'm 63 I know you're not 63. Yeah. No, you're not. You don't look a day older than 39 Oh, you're so sweet. I always say energy is the state of mind, right? It is. It's a state of mind and your personal happiness. So I'm looking towards retirement a little bit. I mean, I've always done word world travel before Cove it So just not doing as many as the marketing grind hours because I'm pretty much out there right now and clients hear me and they know where to find me, you know, in my website or my podcast and eso I'm really this goal is quality. The goal for this year is health quality of life, some extra time off for either travel or the beach. I was just at the beach all weekend last week, and it was phenomenal. Um, you know, of course, visiting my daughters and my grandkids. I have five grandchildren so enjoying their growth and process. Um, and that's something I think Koven has taught us all like, really enjoy life And be grateful for what you have and, you know, have faith that what you want to come to be will come. Rihanna, Is there something people may not understand about you or the work you're doing so that if they understood this, they can have a better appreciation of the work you're bringing to the table. Well, a lot of people, just normally they hear childhood trauma, and it's just that they haven't heard it before and they don't get it. It's like, No, I didn't have a traumatic childhood, a few bumps in the road and everything was fine. But when you really look at the 10 traumas that you might have had some and then look at Mom and Dad and what they grew up with. And if you're in a partnered relationship, what did your partner experience? And maybe that's why you guys air fighting or butting heads. If you could get to the bottom of this, you would feel so happy and peaceful. Get rid of any cheap drama in your life, and it's just so freeing. It's That's how most of my clients describe it like they're just so happy all the time and for singles. When you have this, it's so easy to attract partners because you're bringing no baggage into a relationship. It's gone, you know. So you become a...

...great package and you're very confident and dating is fun. It's not a scary experience and in career you go for it. You learn to say yes to yourself. Even if you had lack messages growing up, I did. But I have had 12 coaches and I've invested. I mean, my business coach was an $85,000 investment, but I needed it. I don't know how to go from a local practice out there globally. I wanted the expert the best expert I could find, and it's like I'm worth this investment. I said Yes, because I said Yes. I had a six figure year the first year, every year after I'm growing and, you know I needed her level of expertise. So don't hold yourself back guys like, If you have a dream for a business, invest in yourself. You're worth it. We only have one life. We only have one go round, live large. You're catching on this just because the field, the industry that you're in. But it's a question that I have in that the adversity that you have faced, whether that is even younger as a child or in your marriages that didn't work out so well or some other things. Do you have some final encouragement for people in their line of work and the adversity, whether now they're thinking they looked at your checklist or they're looking at some of these symptoms. And what should they do? How should they get going? One is to contact you. But also how do they put their feet on the ground tomorrow and get up and get working? The first thing is, don't be afraid to dream. What is that dream life that you desire? Second is take action. You can find me at my website, Rihanna milne dot com. And while you're there, there's a free e book on this. So if you miss the childhood trauma checklist or you want to see it again, that checklist is in the free e book on the home page. Also from my books Live and Love Beyond Your Dreams. The 1st 60 pages are free. Just get that in the books section, start there and then I offer four free love tests. So if you're singles or couples, they all apply. One of them is a childhood trauma checklist, and there's a couple others in there. Take them. They're free. They're going to be eye opening and My podcast is 106 3 shows of lessons in life in Love with Co Triana Mill on that lessons life in love, dot com website or my YouTube channel. I think I have 250 free videos and audios there. So, you know, start somewhere, start getting educated, and I offer a $47.1 hour meeting with me. It's a full assessment. It's normally $500 but because you're on this show and listening to me here, just go to my website and you can sign up for that. We'll get to the bottom of what you're struggling with, whether it's in life, love business or a combination there of it usually is a combination, and let's get moving. You know, the clock is ticking. It's time, you know, create the life you desire, have the love you deserve. That's what I'm all about, Rihanna. One final question for you and that is why do you work? I love it. I could not imagine just sitting around doing nothing all day. I really couldn't like I don't know how all retire I really do love. I do feel it's my gift from God Thio help transform lives and take people out of emotional pain. I'm really good at it. I'm really blessed with all the culmination of all the education I've had over the years. Uh, it's fabulous to be able to do this work and help so many people, so I couldn't imagine not working at all. You know, I really do love it. Rihanna, Mylan Life, love and trauma Recovery Coach. Thank you for your time. And I appreciate the work that you dio. Thank you so much for having May and go for it. Guys, go for your dreams. Don't wait. I'm short. Thank you for listening to this episode of why we work with Brian V. Be sure to subscribe, Follow and share with others so they too can be encouraged in their work. E I hope that you have yourself a productive be a joyful day in your work.

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