WhyWeWork BrianVee
WhyWeWork BrianVee

Episode 13 · 1 year ago

#11 Courtney with Mental Health Stigma, but Lots of Potential

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Courtney has her own Youtube channel (Curious Chronic - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCusg...).  

She wrote in her channel, "I am a sufferer of Chronic Pain, anxiety, depression, fatigue and blah blah blah, just call me the curious chronic. I'll show you everything I do to help lessen my symptoms and share some information I've gathered, answer any questions and do any research asked of me. I'm also planning to use and review apps and items marketed as "anxiety helpers". If you have any type of chronic problem, I hope to help you have a better quality of life which my doctors have not been able to give me." Courtney expresses her views of having mental health and physical issues that prevent her from working like she normally had in the past. She shares her hopes and desire to get back to work.  

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/curiouschro...

Twitter - https://twitter.com/CuriousChronic

FB = https://www.facebook.com/courtney.m.b...

Welcome to why we work, with your host, Brian V as. He speaks to people like you from all over the world as we together dive deeper into our motivations, struggles, joys, seemingly missteps, hopes, warnings and advice which would be an encouragement to us all to get up, get going and keep on working. Workings tough, but working is good. Now here's your host to why we work, Brian V. This is Ryan V at why we work, and today I have the wonderful pleasure of my cousin, Courtney Blackburn. Thank you very much for coming, courty. Hello, how are you today? I am still doing well. This is take two. One moment against record, and Courtney is kind enough to play it over again, so this is take two. So, Courtney, I am very happy. I'm still just as happy to have you here and, as I asked a moment ago, could you explain to me a little bit of your journey of work, when it's started and and how old you were when you first started? So I was fifteen when I got my first real job at shoppers, and that was working with your mom. She was the one that gave my resume to the bosses and everything and taught me everything I knew there. So I was that job, you say, real job. Did you do something minor, like in yeah terms, before that? Yeah, when I when I was younger, in the summertime, I would work in the canteen while my brother played baseball. Okay, okay. So I would just have, you know, like the calculator and selling spits and gum and stuff like that. So was that a paid position or was it just helping the team oude or just helping my family, Dad's side there? They own that field and they do a lot of work there at the pozants field. Oh, yes, very familiar. YEA, Dans fields. Yeah, so we I used to work at that canteen in the summer from my uncle Bob. Why did you decide to get a job at fifteen then? I really didn't like asking my parents for money. Yeah, and I really wanted to be able to just, you know, my friends wanted to go to the movies. I wanted to be able to go and not have to be like mom and I have some money. Yeah, so I tried to get a job right away and there was also something I wanted to say about for I can't now what it was probably a computer. As you as you went through work at shoppers, how did you find your first work experience? That's four years, so that's like into your almost when you're twenty, chunk of your teenage years. How did you find at shoppers? I know actually, obviously my mom work there, but a lot of people who work there, like high school friends and people acquaintances that I've met through you're not necessarily through my mom, but it seemed like a pretty good place to work. Yeah, it really was. They took really good care of you. There's always, you know, scheduling issues, stuff like that, just your typical corporation problems. But as like giving experience in all areas, you know I was a supervisor, so I worked with deposits, I worked with the money and setting everything aside at night and balancing since I was fifteen. So counting is the schooling I went for. Yeah, but I also worked in the cosmetics portion of shoppers.

I worked in the photo lab and in receiving and I was a cashier and I helped in the pharmacy. Did that lead into you going to school? You mentioned taking accounting, so is did that job lead right into you or did you get another job in between going to I had a small job while I was in school. I did leave shoppers to go to school, okay, and then while I was in school I got a job at black's photography, good and Sunnyside Mall, and that wasn't the greatest place to be. And then I left there and went to same day dry cleaners and I was there for eight years. What made you take accounting? What was your what was your purpose and goal of so you went to school too, for accounting? I went for I went to an SEC for business. Yeah, and then the second year you have to concentrate. Yeah, and I concentrated on encounting because it came so easy to me. Numbers are very, very easy for me to understand, and balancing is something like I kind of have an obsessive personality, so balancing is something I'm really good with. Yeah, and yeah, I was very good at it. So I did you in did you graduate from there and then pursue something in accounting? Did you go down and tried? Yeah, I tried. I did end up kind of with a bad work term. Okay, so I it up in an IT department in the federal government instead of an accounting department. So it kind of really messed up my currentials. And you choose that? Did you try? I had meant or did you have a choice? I had two choices. I could have done a fifteen week thing with red bull, okay, where five weeks were unpaid for the term and then you are continuing filling in a maternity league and it was just for invoicing, basic stuff like that. But I also had this offer from the federal government, but I wasn't told it wasn't really accounting related exactly. Yeah, yeah, and it kind of was. It was just the IT Department wanted a budget done up, but they thought that would take me five weeks and it took me a day. So it was funny. Thing is, and I was gonna say this, but like you said like now, I think I forget the word you said, but like balance sheets and you know, just easy stuff like that. I think you were like extremely confident with numbers. Oh yeah, like you just said, you had a five week internship and it took you one day. Yeah, so I holp it. Have you? Have you pursued what have you done since your internship? Has it been anything to do with money, like anything to do with again, because it doesn't come naturally to very few people does it come naturally to I thank my mom for that. MOM's an accountant to so I think I get my my ease of numbers from her. But yeah, I ended up to how many years ago now, and two thousand and sixteen, I started working at the Credit Union. Oh, you yeah, so I was a banker. Yeah, a local bank. Yes, yeah, as a teller and yeah, just a first a first grade teller, you know, just customer service. I'm good at it. Yeah,...

...that I mean not everyone can be a teller in a bank, right, yeah, take some talent. You can't just say, I mean maybe some people can just say hey, but you need some skills and they're going to test those skills. They're going to find out what you can and cannot do, and you're dealing with other people's money. So I wouldn't say that just just to tell her that's like that's like a mom saying I'm just a mom, just a mom. Yeah, it's be enough. It's very, very important, right, like that's where many of our solutions and problems come from the bank and you were in the thick of it. How did you find that job? How did you? My Mom, no, sorry, yeah, okay, your mom, but how did you find working in that position? How did you? I loved the job. Yeah, I definitely loved the work. I can't say I enjoyed being in an office. Yeah, by it. It's tough. Yeah, there was a lot of, you know, politics and clickiness and disagreements and it's I'm just I'm just there to work. So it was weird in that way. And then I got very sick. So I started to do up a Bible for them, for my and what I do for work there, because I do a lot more of them what a teller does. I'm just I'm one of those people, like I do the the socalled bitch work, if you will. You did up. But what for them? You mean like a manual? A manual? Yeah, how to how to work the ATMs, how to balance bout five different spreadsheets and, step by step on how to do things that we don't get very often, like certified checks or things like that, because nobody knew how to do it. So what led you to do that? I was asked because I was being called in sick, or I was calling in sick quite a bit. Yeah, and they asked me because they were having so much trouble when I wasn't there. They had asked me to write up that Bible just in case. So it wasn't like, Oh, we're going to give you some work where we miss you, Courtney, and we can't do what we need to do without you. Can you show us how to do it? Yeah, yeah, and God love Them. I again, I loved the work. The work was wonderful. It's just very different being in an office after eight years of working alone in the dry cleaners. I was by myself. HMM. And I had a second job at that time as well, and I worked at is he's Bagel in bedfors okay, and that was four years that I worked two jobs. Did you find that you are helping organize the dry cleaning place as well, or were you just sticking to basically labor work, or did you find yourself looking in the backroom and organizing? Yeah, I was. I don't like to sit still. I'm not the type of person that likes to be paid to do nothing. HMM. And essentially, working at the dry cleaner, I got the job so I could do my homework at work. Yeah, because it's a very easy job. There's really not a lot to it. And then once I finished school, I just I loved it there. I didn't want to leave and had they had the option of like medical benefits, hmm, and stuff like that, I'd probably still be there. So from the jobs you experience, what is what is something that you felt was just too much, too hard to handleise it? Is that the office itself for is is there something more from the jobs? Like yeah, it's like at the Credit Union, for...

...instance, there's a lot of very serious rules that we have to follow. Obviously we're dealing with people's funny and there would be times where I'm following the rule and the supervisor would come up behind me and make an exception, and I really hated that. So can you, I because I'm learning that it's best not to make comments. So can you explain to me how you feel about people making exceptions to rules, because I know I have my own feeling about that and I think I agree with you. But how do you feel about? Okay, I'm told if I don't do this, I'm going to get fired, and then someone taps me on their shoulder and says, yeah, we'll do it this time. I absolutely despise that. If there is a rule, we're supposed to follow it. At one of these rules in particular was if somebody had a deficit in their account, you couldn't cash your entire check. You know, you have to fill the deficit. And my supervisors would come up behind me and say, know, just just put it through the savings where there's no deficit. Yeah, and that's like, but now now she's getting like, I don't understand, you're not helping her, you're not helping us. We're losing that money and she's going to get an overdraft charge at the end of the month. So why are we making an exception? It makes everything worse. And then they expected every time. Yeah, I guess there could be locked said to yeah, I mean there's circumstances, yeah, obviously, where things need to change. You know that. There's obviously circumstances where we made a lot of exceptions because of deaths or you know, there's lots of good reasons to make an exception to a rule, but not just because you know that person. Yeah, so you consistency. Can't just see, yeah, that's a good distanced thing, isn't it? Yeah, what it what is something that you found that you enjoyed, from shoppers to fifteen and fifteen or even working at the Baseball Games, through through your time? What is what is something that you really enjoyed, and then maybe even what you're up to now. So what is something that you really enjoyed and what you're up to now, so we can get a good perspective? Sure, all while working. My favorite portion of every job I've ever had is making people smile. I absolutely adore being a customer service representative. You know, there might be a lot of what happened Karen's and Kevin's out there, but there's so many more nice people that make customer service worth it. And you know every maybe ten person might be kind of rude or whatever, but you when you have those nine people before that that are smiling just because you remembered their name, that's that's a wonderful feeling for me. So I do love that. It is yes, it is quite enjoyable. What is it you're up to now, because I think you allude it to it, but what is it you're up to now? Now I am kind of focused on indisability, like on disability right now from work for don't even know what yet, but we'll figure it out. Yeah, so I've been working on a youtube channel, curious chronic. It's essentially what my aim is, to try and get the stigma of mental health. Yeah, go away before we get into your youtube channel, and I'd like to hear about it,...

...the mental health and being on a disability. Can you speak to that, because I think I don't want this, this podcast, I don't mean this episode, but the PODCAST, to be solely on okay, I have a job, I'm successful, I'm doing well, follow me and I don't want it to be like pity me or whatever, but to understand people behind this screen or behind the voice and you can see, well, this person's going through something. Who, I'm going to put words you up and say you obviously love to work. Hmm, right, you love to be with me. Yeah, and you have a lot of talents and you have a lot of skills and you'll have a lot of abilities that a lot of people don't have, in math being primarily one. You're good at math and you're good at customer service. Those are two real good high qualities of why people probably hired you and will hire you in the future. If you so choose to do so, but what you're saying now is right now, I there's something going on and I don't know what it is and it's inhibiting me from doing what I really want to do. Yeah, who is that? Okay, could you speak to that and say how hard that is not to be able to go when you want to go or do this and it's just not possible right now? To the people who'll be listened, are listening, and we'll say hey, I feel just like that. Yeah, that's that's mostly what I aim to do is show people that, you know, just because you look okay, just because you can smile, it doesn't mean you're okay. It doesn't have to be in you're okay. Everybody with mental problems or stunting of any kind learns how to hide it, and I definitely trying to deal with anxiety. Anxiety has been the most prevalent thing in my life through all of my life, so I had to learn how to get over talking to strangers when I first started at shoppers so I could be a good customer service representatives. Yeah, because talking to people was so difficult for me. Then, by the way, by the way, you're doing a great job right now, but thank you. That's good. I had a lot of nose from people like no, I couldn't do that. Well, Cortney, the one that says that she can't go do something now because she has anxiety, is doing a very good job. Take that back. Yeah, I know, proud of you. She is. She wouldn't come on line either. So a lot of people don't want to talk about, you know, especially mental health. A lot of people don't want to admit when they have an issue and that's what causes more issues. So I think the eight years that I worked to jobs, I also volunteered at that time, at Christmas time for Santa's helper. I was the Easter Bunny. I worked myself to death for like four or five years and then when I started at the Credit Union, it was like a really big slowdown, hmm, and I really started to notice how not okay I was. I was so busy before that I didn't really notice. You've start to know how you really felt. Yeah, and it was like, I don't know if, like when I was working at the Credit Union, I have a I feel like it's a good habit, but it's always been treated as a bad habit, but I don't have that thing in my head that says that's not my job. You are something. Yeah, if something needs to be done, I'm going to do it.

That's that's I'm being paid to be here. I'm not being paid to sit down and talk to my neighbor. HMM. So I I take a lot of pride in being an active worker, being somebody that's present and there. And when I couldn't be anymore, that's when I got put off. I was becoming a liability because my brain fog can you can you think of how you actually feel about being withheld or pulled back from work, like sitting here? Oh Yeah, how does this? What would your ideal world be if you could push away whatever troubles they may be? What would be ideal for you, corney? Wow, right now, I actually I just started donating to Cam H, Canadian Association for Mental Health, yes and I've been trying to get in to start volunteering with them from home because I am having a lot of trouble having no work. So I create work for myself. I do a lot of crafting, I do a lot of cleaning and baking and in one way are you having trouble with not having work? Is that a financial thing or mentally or like mentally more? Yes, I have to do yeah, I got to do something. I can't just sit and do nothing. And it's you know, it's hard when you're dealing with disability. You have to deal with a lot of a second guessing. Yeah, stuff like that. You know, they don't really believe you. I understand why. You know, they get messed around a lot, but when you're somebody that actually does need it, it gets difficult and trying to explain to somebody that yes, in fact I do want to be at work, but all my doctors say I physically can't. It's hard to process for them. They don't understand that. Like I'm I'm not happy at home. I want to be working. I have to make a confession. Sometimes I see people park in the what we would say handicap zones, yeah, wheelchairs zones, and I'm skeptical, right, I'm just like looking like does this person have? Probably have your problem, ever problem, and many times people look like they don't, but we have no idea. Yeah, well, I mean what I thought generally for that I always look for a placquard. If they have a little plaque. But do you know, and yeah, sing that you know. We kind of try to look for something. If someone says they have a problem, something very overtly obvious and I think the idea of something deeper than that and even more inhibiting, we're not so quick to say, Oh, I got you. We're not as welcoming as that possibility. So what is this with your Youtube Channel? What is the name of like so if someone want to contact you, what is the name of Your Youtube Channel? I actually go on Youtube by Marie McKinnon and curious. Chronic is the nickname and what do you hope to accomplish with it or what are you doing with it so far? So far I have simplified some of the mental health courses that I've taken online with Cam h and then I've spoken about my own experiences with each of those areas, like addiction, depression, anxiety, teenage years, all that kind of stuff. I also have a lot of vocal...

...a Capella covers. Okay, you're saying, yes, yes, that's something I used to enjoy a lot. So I got back into trying to cover songs again and that was helpful for quite a while it's really helpful, if I mean, I hope all the best with Youtube, but even something like this, I have a fulltime job right to do. If you could do both, I mean if you can just do that and that's what you were successful at or that's what you were content with, what what? What would be a perfect job for you? Besides that, where could you see you striving and excelling? Insurance? Yeah, yeah, I think I would. I would go into insurance. In what and what? What reason would you like insurance? Because you know, I have an uncle. We have an uncle who's a retired insurance man. He probably, I mean even just go hang out with him. He probably has lots of time to do. Yeah, some pointers and talks and yeah, but for sure, what reason insurance? I think. I mean when I have my car accident, was just a minor one a couple of years ago, I had so much trouble with my insurance company and they just I never heard that one before. I had so much trouble with my insurance company I was trying to get less money from them, like they were trying to write off and take my car lait a second. You don't hear that very often, though. No, they wanted to give me. Yeah, they wanted to less my car, like no, don't take my car, like I'm my boyfriend. One panic cash and they just right off here. Yeah, give you the cash for you, like no, I like my car. No, it's my car and there's no way it's written off. So I did. That was a long process to go through and I would love to make this somebody else's experience with an insurance company a little easier. Is there something in it all? So that's more appealing, I mean because you could change the world doing any sort of job with that, like making someone was people. You know, there's lots of weddings, for instance. People have a miserable time. You can make someone's wedding better, right, and that's the wonderful, beautiful sort of thing. Insurance is usually dealing with a problems, but helping them as good. But is there something else appealing to insurance, like Insur insurance salesman or working behind the desk? Is there something? I'm thinking there might be something. Yeah, like a claims probably a claims person. Do you find it would be deals? Do you find it would be a little faster pace, say, than being a banker? Right, like especially, Oh yeah, with the Credit Union, we're also is very, kind of out of the way. Don't have a lot of walk through traffic. Most of the work was over the phone or email. So it's it was a lot of not seeing people, but still a lot of customer service and I was okay with that. So I'm thinking, you know, being behind a dusk on a phone wouldn't be so bad. I just you know, I don't want to be like a telemarker. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Have you been able to, from home, look at different types of jobs like that, like insurance companies? Have you just kind of do oh in the water and in considered things? Things I mentioned before is like Linkedin and indeed, and those is there. Would you need some certification to do that, because there's something more that you're going to have to do, or would you meet the basic requirements to knock on their door? I actually meet for TD insurance specifically. Yeah, I meet their basic in quiet requirements and more because I worked as like my position at the Credit Union is called financial services representative one,...

...level one. Yeah, and at Ted a financial service representative is a level three, and it gives me boost to go to claims adjuster, which is the level six and starts at double my salary right now. So you actually looked a lot into this. If actually, if you're talking about level one. Yeah, but a friend, yeah, friend that works and Ted Insurance. She they're very helpful towards especially for people with disabilities or things like that, and their work insurance is through the same insurance as mine. So I would actually apply for something called intermittent APP absences, meaning that I'm allowed more sick days than most people, so that if I can't do it, I can't do it and I can't get in trouble. Can, you can use I mean, we'll close it here soon, but can. I think it's really interesting because you're in the situation where you want to do something but you can't for whatever reasons, like so in this job. How does it? How does it really feel right now, knowing that you are completely qualified to do something, if you were able to take the step out in the right direction, you could probably get the job. And and how? What is what is going on in your mind or in your heart of like I want to but I can. Yeah, what? Yeah, and you're not only the only one experiencing that right no, no, certainly not. I Know Dad has really struggles, and I mean I'm sure I get my work ethic from a mix of dad and mom and your mom and like, I'm a very hard worker and one of the problems that comes with that is they tend to keep really good workers on the bottom. MMM, because when the bottom runs really well, the top runs really well. So I don't ever think I'll go anywhere being there because you and because I'm good in the insurance company. mean or no, kneed Jo in the Credit Union, in the credit credit uni. Yeah, in particular. Yeah, and I mean knowing that there is something that's physically stopping me from going to work and having with especially with covid and having to deal with all my doctors over the phone. None of them can see me. I'm not allowed to go to the hospital, I can't get any testing done, I can't right now. I'm just at a standstill until until we're free to open up the hospitals again. But I did just have an appointment with a rheumatologist over the phone, and that's a commune system specialist and he's actually finally focused on my case and is actually kind of duped by it. And really wants to figure it out. So I might have an answer coming soon, which would be really nice. But the the mental portion of my issues, I mean I've had anxiety my entire life, but I never debilitating, never too crazy. You know my view. Asked my friends, they would tell you I'm the most outgoing, fun person on the planet, but really I'm really shy. I don't I don't really like to talk, but if I know you, I'm okay, kind of thing. But when I first got diagnosed, like they actually gave my mental...

...problem name, I think kind of was like shit, nobody's going to take me now, you know, like it was really, really hard to deal with the label, more than anything, to know that I'm off work on paper because I have anxiety and depression and what have you. And it's like kind of makes you feel like a baby a little bit, like, yeah, it makes you feel like you're being babied because it's nothing. You can see, everything going on with me is all internal. My Pain is internal. Everything's internal. So you're suffering from physical pain as well? Is that? Is that not? Yeah, accurate. Yeah, and there's there's a very high swelling indicator in my blood as well. So we're not sure what swelling but we know it's not my crown's disease. So on top of that chrome I yes, I'm Crown's disease and I've just been ruled in to fiber Myalga. But he realized that they really haven't ruled anything out and you can't diagnose with fiber my Alga until you rule out everything else. What would you like people to know in your situation? We can't put you in a group of people and say this is all people. All people who are experiencing some sort of disability are feeling the same way. But you might have a better road towards this feeling than most other people who are just seemingly living day to day without with less troubles. I think, well, if you have some troubles, but what would you like people to know about? Not necessarily you, but it could. Obviously it's going to include you because it's your answer, but like to know about someone in your situation. What would you like them to know? So it's kind of like, for my perspective sometimes, just back off. Okay, yeah, I know what I am feeling, so just back up. But what would you like someone to know? So they're they just have a little better understanding so that they can be more compassionate and caring and kind and maybe stay still state of your business, but just so they understand, this is where you're coming from. Is there anything that you would like people to know? Yeah, I mean, if you love somebody or your friends with somebody that has any kind of mental issue, whether it be bi pollar all the way over to anxiety, no matter what, you got to love them. You know that's that's the only way that they're gonna ever get better is if you just have to love them, you have to support them and then, if you are the person with the problem, you have to own it and treat it and, you know, accept it in order for it to get better. I took me a long time to accept that I was afraid of crowds, that I had a I've been diagnosed with the gory phobia, which the fear crowds, which extends now to I'm a little nervous to leave my house. So it all kind of piles up after a while. But my biggest suggestion to anybody that's just now starting to feel nervous or starting to feel a little depressed or starting to feel different mentally, to reach out immediately. Don't let it suffer, don't let it just what, because that's what happened to me. I bottled everything up, I let everything just simmer inside me, and then there was a point in time...

...where my body gave up. I was vomiting out of nerves every morning before I went to work, and it just my brain couldn't handle anymore, and that's Cuz I was not accepting that I had these problems. You couldn't bottle it in anymore. Yeah, I didn't have any room. It exploded, but when it did, that's when I got really, really, really sick, and I would recommend anybody dealing with these feelings to talk about them. Could you also, like I know of a situation not far from me that someone had problems and we tried to bring them to many different places. Can you, because you're suggesting someone, if you have a problem, go somewhere? Can you suggest some places they may want to go? Yeah, online is really your best friend right now, specially during covid I spend a lot of time on Cam h dot se a se am htca. It's a Canadian Association for Mental Health, and today have so many resources, so much information, little courses that you can take not only to learn about your issue but also how to handle your issue as well. And you can go to Canadian mental health. There's Cam h and then there's Canadian Mental Health Association. So let's Semha. That's the Nova Scotia branch kind of thing. They have all accessible mental health areas on those websites and all clinics, all free clinics. And I mean, if you're in my area, the best thing you can do is go through COB equip mental health. MMM, I just helped a friend do that. She was having a lot of trouble with her family doctor, so we called COB equipmental health and got her an intake interview and now she's seeing a counselor regularly and it doesn't cost her anything. I think that's nice. It seems like. I mean, some people would not know the amount of resources available to them, like thinking one it's only me that feels this way. No, and no, no, right, yeah, I would say anxiety, depression and any type of mental weird feeling is more common than any illness. You'll love her phone and there's so many resources. Doesn't matter. The province, the state. Around the world, most countries deal with things or have resources available. It's it's there's so many. It's just they're not advertised on billboards. No, not now, too often. Right, it's still a little bit of a stigma, right. Like, you know, I just finished dealing with a situation where a friend of mine is quite scared of me, where she doesn't really know how to handle somebody who can be suicidal stuff like that. She's not just know what to do with it. So, you know, it's like, okay, well, this friendship isn't healthy for me. It's are to write. You'd have to see, like if someone doesn't know, depending on how they grew up, you know, what do I what do I say? You know, how do I? I don't know what to do with that idea. Yeah, the right thing, but it would's hard, right, and it's a learning process for everyone involved. What definitely go ahead? Yeah, people who are friends with someone with anxiety, if this person is flaky, they're going to be...

...flaky, they're going to bail, they're going to just not feel like it. Yeah, and you know, all you can do is just be there for them when they're feeling up to it. Yeah, yeah, and you know, meaning you have your days. Yes, certainly, I have my days, ever days, but yes, Oh yeah, that's common, you know, just not having a good day or what, especially right now the whole world is dealing with their first outs of anxiety and depression because of a pandemic, you know, and I think that was another reason I wanted the channel to start, was for people who are dealing with it for the first time, that don't know what it is, because a panic attack feels like a heart attack. If you don't know what you're going through. You mentioned you go ahead, so you go ahead. Oh No, I was just going to say it's just eat. It's good if people know, like there's an episode I have of what what a panic attack feels like, so that you can and it's that's your day and don't bring it back up to me tomorrow saying like I'm sorry, right, yeah, it was one of those flaky days, and just toss that off to the side and remember me, who you enjoyed and liked and loved in the beginning. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Just remember I'm trying to get back to that person and nobody wants this. No, yeah, like you don't. You don't want to be in you don't want to be in pain, you don't want to be, as you said, the word Flakey, but I think you don't want to be absent minded to the people who care about you and who you probably care about even more because you wish the relationships were how you want them. Yeah, I wish I could show up in the relationship the way I wanted to, and it's it's yes, it's very hard and you know, lost a lot of friends over the last couple of years, but it just really shows you who understands better for it. You mentioned working when you were a kid in the baseball fields. Yeah, in sports there's always good athletes, and then I mean not necessarily professional athletes, but just there's tea teams, high school teams, Middle School teams, and there's always the starters, and then there are the kids that sit on the bench who, you know, just wish they could be out there and playing with the team. At the moment it seems like you're on the bench not being able to work. Yeah, there are lots of people out there who work that might be just kind of passing the Puck, tossing the ball. Pick your sport. Pick your analogy, and not playing well or discouraged. They're out there on the field and they're like, my job isn't so good. And what do you have to say to them as you're on the sidelines wishing that? I mean they can think of the hockey the kids on the side of the Plexiglass, like banging on the glass at a hockey game, a good old hockey game, like just wishing they could be out there, like they would give everything they had just to skate one more time. Pick whatever, and and you to me everything that is negative. Would would be first in front and line to get back out there and to work. What would you say to the people who are out there and really not doing well, or just discourage their finding themselves slipping into a pattern of discontentment or they want to change a word? What kind of advice would you bring to someone that's play in the game that you...

...wish you were playing? Definitely make sure you are doing something you'd like. If you're not happy, look around, find something else, because but honestly, driving yourself to the ground for for a boss is worthless. You're always replaceable. It doesn't matter how good you are. You are replaceable. So you have to enjoy what you're doing, and I think that is stupid important. You need to like your job. You don't necessarily have to like the people you work with, but you need to be able to put up with them. And if there is something that's toxic in a workplace, get out. Get Out. Don't stay in that toxic environment because it won't get better. And but, like I said, no boss is going to kill themselves for you, so don't kill yourself for them's very, very important, extremely important courtney work. We're besides your youtube channel. Could people reach you if they wanted to get in touch with you on social media or something? Do you have any hashtags for I do. I'm on curious at curious chronic xx on instagram and I'm curious chronic on twitter, and Courtney Marie Blackburn on facebook, curious chronic corney. Could you answer these two last things for me? How has how has worked, helped you through your life? And finally, why would you in your case, because I usually say why do you work? And you are working with a youtube channel. I believe me, I know it takes work. Yeah, why, why do you want to work? So how is worked? Helped you through your life, even some of your struggles that you've been through. And why do you want to work? I have this incredible ability that not many people have, to be able to leave my home life at the door of work. HMM. Go in and work, not think about outside of work, come back, drop my worklife off and pick my home life up. I'm very good at that. I can keep everything separate and I think that's really important. It is, you're extremely important. Yeah, if you let work get to you personally, it's it's just going to make you miserable, no matter how happy you're doing. You are doing what you're doing. So that is how work has brought you through, because you were able to differentiate between the two. Yeah, yeah, that's it's it's hard when you can see, like you know you're being used, you know you're being either under utilized or underpaid. Want to you know if you know what you're worth. That I think that's probably the biggest, the biggest suggestion. Just know what you're worth, HMM, and don't settle for less. And that's actually that's a lesson. That's your mother taught me. I will never forget. She walked out one day on shop at shoppers because the boss is couldn't get along. And I don't. I don't put that past my mom. Yeah, well, she I was great because they just she had like for people telling her to do four different things and there's four bosses and she was like, you know what, you guys, get your stuff together and I'll be back tomorrow. And I thought, Oh man, I wish I had. I wish brave enough to do that. That's my mom. Could Change. Yeah, it did make a change. They got more more, you know, okey together. Yeah, yeah, then some things moved around and it went back to all corney White, why...

...do you want to work? I want to work because I really just I I really enjoyed people. I'm one of those people that I can say in the same breath I love customer service. I'm not a big fan of human beings. Yeah, I can say that all together. But because of customer service and the people that I've met, I'm stronger today for a lot of the people that I've had to deal with. I've got a nice thick skin now from dealing with angry people. You know, you spend so long dealing with either their money, their clothes, their food. You get some angry people, so definitely give me a thick skin. Cortney, I truly appreciate this talk and I would like to have you back on in the future when you have some news to tell us. Yes, whether you stber, you have a job, or maybe you found some reasons for some of the troubles that you're going through now. Either way, I love to have you back on perfect. That sounds great. It's nice to be here. Thank you, Courtney. You did a wonderful job and I'll talk to you soon. Perfect. Thanks right, thank you. Thank you for listening to this episode of why we work with Brian be be sure to subscribe, follow and share with others so they too can be encouraged in their work. I hope that you have yourself a productive, be a joyful day in your work.

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